It’s a common occurrence that grandparents and grandchildren get along famously. Grandparents are often the best people to care for their grandchildren, and many children love spending time with them because they’re more laid back than their parents. However, there are some things that grandparents should never do to maintain this good relationship with their grandkids. Here are some of the bad habits that could be holding you back.
Bribing Your Grandkids
Maybe you think it’s pretty cute to bribe your grandchildren with candy and toys, but in the long run, it devalues their feelings. They’ll see right through your promises, and they’ll resent you for not following through with them. You’re better off channeling that sweet, sweet grandparent charisma into cooking up a fun activity everyone can enjoy together. Everyone will feel better when they realize that this is all about spending quality time, not about how many goodies grandma has in her pocketbook.
Not Considering Their Needs
If you have childcare responsibilities for your grandkids, your first priority needs to be making sure they are comfortable and fed. Their parents are running around trying to deal with their own lives, so it’s up to you to meet the basic needs of these little people who aren’t even in school yet! This means having snacks on hand, drinks available at all times, and being friendly. They’ll love being around you more when you put that much effort into having fun together.
Not Acting Like A Parent
Just because your grandkids love you doesn’t mean they want to be treated like an equal. You can listen and respond to their wants and needs, but please remember that you are in a parental role at all times. This means getting down on their level when they’re having a hard time dealing with something, not just talking them through it from your point of view. Kids have different emotions than adults, so they need somebody willing to step into their world for a little while.
Abusing Your Language Privileges
We all know how tempting it is to use the “grandparent voice,” but you need to remember that this isn’t about manipulating or guilting your grandkids into doing what you want. If you start to slip into that mode of speaking, stop yourself and use an adult voice instead. Otherwise, your grandchildren will take advantage of this special privilege, and it could damage the trust between you two.
Not Taking An Interest In Their Lives
You should care about what’s going on with your grand kids’ lives as much as they care about yours. This means taking a real interest in their school experiences and social lives, both at school and within the family unit. They’ll see right through your fake questions and comments if you don’t come from a place of sincerity; it’s up to you to try hard not to ask leading questions or disparage their friends and family. If you want to hear about their problems, it’s better to be supportive than judgmental.
Not Being Truthful About The Past
You may have a whole set of anecdotes and stories from your life that you love to share with your grandchildren. They may be entertaining, but they could also damage their trust in you if you leave out certain parts of the story for dramatic purposes. It’s totally fine to exaggerate every once in a while, but if you do it too often or neglect to tell them about a significant event entirely, it will come back to haunt you later on. Be honest with your grandkids so they can learn from your mistakes instead of pretending like things never happened!
Being Manipulative
You know you’re always going to feel like your grandkids love their parents more than they like you. Don’t try to take things too far with them to get what you want. This is a surefire way of losing trust and damaging the relationship entirely. If you make them think that they have no choice but to spend time with you or do something for you, it’s going to backfire ultimately. Not only will they resent you for manipulating them, but they won’t want to be around you at all if this behavior continues. You can ask for favors without violating boundaries, so don’t be afraid to talk about this with your grandchildren if something is bothering them!
Being Dishonest About Your Feelings
You can feel many different emotions around your grandkids, and some of them may be negative. However, you should never tell your grandchildren that you hate being around them if it’s not true. Instead, work on trying to understand what’s making you feel frustrated or angry before telling your grandkids how you really feel. If they make the same mistake too often, try explaining how it makes you feel rather than placing all of the blame on them, as most parents would do.
Being Overly Needy
Your grandchildren will never call or text you out of the blue if they suddenly feel like having an awkward conversation with you. If you need more attention from them than normal, try talking about your feelings with someone else instead of acting on them right away. This will avoid frightening or annoying your grandkids. If you need to talk to someone about your feelings of loneliness, don’t be afraid to share this information with your grandkids; they can’t read your mind, after all!