I know what it’s like to be down in the dumps. You’re feeling sad, or you just had an argument with someone important to you. It’s hard when you feel so low that everything seems pointless and hopeless. This article is for anyone out there who might need advice on how NOT to make things worse if someone they care about is feeling down. Also, this article might be a good reminder for self-care tips.
“Cheer Up! It Could Be Worse. At Least You Have….”
If someone told you this after something bad happened to you, how would that make you feel? First of all, it might come across as condescending or rude if they’re telling you what “could” happen when really nothing can cheer them up right now. Saying this is not helpful in the slightest bit because it’s just adding salt to an already open wound. And secondly, it’ll only add more fuel to the fire and remind them of everything else they don’t have.
“Snap Out Of It!”
This saying might come across as condescending and rude if the person you’re saying it to isn’t feeling like snapping out of anything right now. What does that imply when you say “snap out of” something negative or undesirable in general? That no one would ever do those things unless there was some magical switch somewhere inside their body turning off all negativity? Also, don’t forget about chemical imbalances! Some people can’t help but feel a certain way, and they will come out of it on their own time.
“It’s All In Your Head.”
Hearing this is so frustrating for someone with depression because it’s like telling them that they can just “think” their way out of their feelings. And this isn’t the case at all! It’s not about thinking positively or wanting something bad enough; sometimes, you don’t think positive things even if you want to, and your brain gets stuck on negative thoughts/thoughts that aren’t helpful in any way. There are chemicals involved here – neurotransmitters go haywire when you’re feeling really down (or maybe one specific type is off balance), which makes everything worse than it already feels.
“I Know How You Feel.”
Everyone’s down in their own way – and everyone has different coping mechanisms for those feelings of being low/unhappy with life. What works for one person might not work at all for another! So when people try telling someone they know how they feel, this doesn’t make sense because there are many ways some people can be unhappy while others have unique experiences that keep them going through tough times. It’s great if someone truly DOES understand what you’re going through on an emotional level, but don’t assume your experience is the same as someone else’s just because you’re “feeling it.”
“You should Go Do Something Fun!”
It can be hard to get yourself out of bed and spend money on things when everything feels so bleak. Suggesting that people who are feeling down should “go have some fun” implies they need an excuse for having a good time, which makes them feel less deserving or like they don’t know how to enjoy themselves unless there’s an underlying reason involved (like wanting to cheer up). So if your friend says they’re feeling really sad one day but doesn’t want anything in particular done about it, try suggesting doing something more low-key instead of trying to convince them why relaxing isn’t worth it.
“Just Try To Be Positive!”
This sounds terrible, too, when you tell someone what to do to feel better. It’s another way of saying “you just have to want it enough” – which is also not true! The thing about being positive when you’re feeling low is that sometimes the last thing on your mind right now are happy thoughts or trying new things/new perspectives. Depression can make people very introspective and self-aware, so these types of suggestions might only serve as reminders of why they don’t already see their lives in a different light (“I’m always negative,” etc.)
Conclusion:
It’s pretty obvious why saying these things to people when they’re feeling down is not helpful. It might be challenging for everyone around the person struggling, but it would probably make them feel even worse if they knew their friends were being so dismissive about how severe depression can get! Lastly, it’s important to remember that everyone goes through their own tough times and that it’s okay to feel the way you do.